Heart Mind Balance

We have emotions. We feel. We have thoughts. We think. While it takes time to think, our feelings can happen in an instant. Nonetheless, our thoughts influence our feelings.

How does this work in those moments when our emotions seem to be creating discomfort for ourselves and those around us? Our first reaction comes from a feeling. The feeling comes from a thought, either a habitual, subconscious thought triggered in the moment, or a present thought which is interpreting the events of the moment through the filters of our beliefs. If the feeling is uncomfortable, we may be caught up in an unpleasant experience, and look for ways to discharge the discomfort, often playing out old patterns based on the coping skills of the infant or small child we once were.

We have the ability to interrupt our reaction however, by intentionally breathing, or using simple techniques such as counting to ten for example. This gives us the time to think consciously, to allow thought to catch up with the feeling. If we can induce even a small amount of relaxation in our bodies, we can stop the escalation generated by the chemicals of the emotion we are feeling, and thinking has a chance to proceed. We may even get caught up in the process of thinking, which, like a puzzle, exercises our minds. Sooner or later an idea will come that will appear to be a solution and then we are free to get busy again with doing what we want to, free from the discomfort of the emotion.

As soon as we relax, the physical feeling of anxiety, anger, frustration, or any uncomfortable emotion, can dissipate. We stop producing the fight or flight chemicals. After a few minutes, they begin to disappear from our blood, and the intensity of the feeling fades, freeing energy to be released which will facilitate problem-solving.  This is an alternative to the negative commentary which commonly accompanies these emotions, whether self-criticism or blame of others, complaint or self-pity. An alternative gives the gift of choice, the freedom to choose our response instead of allowing it to be governed by the past.

One of the things we can think about is how to assert ourselves in the situation which has triggered the frustration, or other negative emotion. How can we assert our thoughts and feelings in such a way that they are likely to be received positively by another? When we can identify habitual or unconscious patterns in ourselves which repeat in similar situations, we can consider in what way this pattern serves us, or has served us in the past. We can identify whether it is in fact still serving us, or whether our more experienced self can create a new pattern which would yield more desirable, more comfortable consequences.  If we find ourselves involuntarily repeating patterns, engaging in behavior which is leading to a negative outcome in our  life, or in our relationships with others, we can consider whether it is making us feel more comfortable in some unconscious way. Often this will be the case.  If we understand the need which is being met, we can think about how to meet that need in a more satisfying way, one which does not bring with it the undesired consequences. Even if we cannot understand the origin of the habitual pattern and how it has served us, we can still choose to think of a way to meet, to respond to, our current need that does not require engaging in behavior, physical, verbal or emotional, which results in negative consequences.  What will bring us greater joy, freedom, and comfort in this moment, without doing harm to ourselves or others?

Another thing we can think about is the beliefs we hold which are biasing our interpretations of our circumstances in ways which generate these negative feelings. Where did these beliefs come from? Are they really ours, or were they instilled in us by others? Our beliefs can be changed, and this is the foundation of growing, evolving and adapting. We do not need to accept beliefs carved in stone by some person in our history. As adults, we do not need to rely on copying the beliefs of others. We have experience. We can form our own thoughts. We can find a balance between the thoughts that come from within ourselves to form beliefs and values, and the ideas that we incorporate from outside ourselves. Sometimes we may need to incorporate a new idea into our belief system and give it a high value precisely in order to find out what the consequences of that idea are when translated into behavior. We need to give ourselves freedom to experience and to decide on the validity of our chosen ideas based on our experiences. Once we know what a thought can generate in your life, then, and only then, are we in a position to decide whether to adopt it. Whatever we decide, we will feel good about the decision because we know that we are authentic in our reasons for the decision. We no longer need to look outward for permission because we have given ourselves permission.

We can learn to listen to ourselves, and to recognize when the words we are expressing are negative perceptions which will generate pain, such as saying “Now I’ll never get my desire met,” or positive perceptions which will hold open possibilities, such as saying “I missed it on that try, but I usually get it,” or “That’s okay, I’ll get it next time.”  At different times, we may observe that we can feel very different ways about the same essential experience. Recognizing this can help us give ourselves permission to choose based on thoughts, not just feelings.  Choice gives us freedom.

When we can stop our emotional reaction for long enough to allow our thinking part to observe, and to figure out another way to deal with the situation, when we can allow the solution to appear in its own time, we are better able to develop our ability to choose between the old patterns of reacting, and new, more effective patterns which are more true to our present self, our authentic self, and which get us results which bring us more comfort and joy, and which help us to maintain our health: physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

Leaves On Stone

The strong summer sun turns shadows into art.

Hoary Little Brown Bat

The Story Of the Frozen Bat

As the snow flakes float across my windows on this early spring day, I take note of the little crocuses pushing up through the ground that lay exposed to the sun only a few days ago. I am hoping that the snow will give them a blanket, and that they won’t suffer damage from the plunging temperatures. I marvel that these little corms actually freeze in the ground, and still come forth in response to the sun’s rays with such eagerness.
Watching the snow, I remember the bat my father brought into our house one winter when we lived on the farm in northern Alberta. It was fearfully cold that day, at least forty below, and he had found the bat inside a hollow in a tree. He thought it was frozen solid, and indeed, when he picked it up, it was more rigid than an icicle. Thinking that his children had never seen a bat up close (Mom was terribly afraid of them), he decided to bring it home.
We children gathered around the kitchen table to poke and prod this fascinating brown ice cube. It was surely frozen; its little wings clapped tightly to its sides were immovable to the pressure of our fingers. We stroked its fur, and examined its tiny ears and beak. When we had satisfied our curiousity, we wandered away, as children will.
Sometime later, we heard a scream from the kitchen. It was our mother, and as we rushed to see, we discovered her standing on a chair with her hands covering her hair. Around her, in circles, flew a little brown bat. My eyes had to check the table to ascertain that it was the little brown ice cube come magically to life.
Eventually our father recaptured the tiny animal and took it out to the cow barn, where it could return to hibernation with somewhat less danger of freezing solid. Eventually, our mother forgave him for her distress. We children quietly shared the amazement of having witnessed natural cryogenesis, and learned a wonderful lesson about the resilience of life.
I hope my little crocuses are as resourceful! They at least are not warmblooded.

Protected? Or Captive?

Such is the grandiosity of the human ego that it seeks to establish another’s truth on the basis of its own experience.
Alida Van Braeden 2008

Heart’s Garden

In Alberta, the snow is slowly receding. In my yard small tracts of earth are emerging, and I open my imagination to the possibility of gardening again. In my journal I find these appropriate words:

Heart’s Garden
It seems I’ve spent my life weeding
This vast and unkempt garden
I thought was my heart,
Pulling weeds
Which always grow back
(or others like them)
to choke the flowers and fruits of my spirit.

Now I find a small plot of ground
Just big enough for me
Where I can transplant my Heart’s truest desires.
No weeds here, unless I bring them in
And if I do – well, then
I’ve learned another thing:
Weeds can be beautiful!
They flower, they fruit, they are edible
And sometimes
They are life giving medicine
For my Heart’s true garden.

Pine Bud

Emerging from the last snow, a sure sign that Spring is arriving!
Here in Edmonton, Spring begins with a snowfall: Not quite enough to bring the skis back out, but enough to bring out the shovel. Beneath its spring blanket, the pine tree is not hiding its intention to thrust passionately into the new season!

Gnomes

This PhotoMandala is not only green, but if you look closely you may be able to see the little people. May the luck of the Irish be with you today!